An Inconvenient Toot - Al Gore's Son Busted for Pot, Speeding in a Prius

Posted by Rocky at 7/4/2007 8:58 PM
Categories: uncategorized


Hello Rocky,

What do you make of the arrest of Al Gore III?  Does this affect your prediction that Gore will be our next President?

Hardy Green
Skillman, NJ


Rocky Responds:

This story has more angles than Dennis Kucinich's ears.   I need to use bullet points:
  • Maybe junior thought he had a right to speed on the San Diego Freeway since he grew up listening to his father boast, "I invented the interstate."
  • Can we all agree that naming your child after yourself is a jackass move - especially when you get into the Roman numerals?  He's a kid, not a Super Bowl.  I don't see this happening in the Bible.  There's no Moses IV.  If Mary and Joseph can resist naming their kid God Jr., then you and I can come up with fresh names for our offspring. 
  • A Toyota Prius can go 100 mph?  This is the biggest surprise since Rodney King got his Hyundai Excel up over 90 in a futile attempt to avoid the beating of his life. 

  • In addition to marijuana, Gore had four prescription drugs in the car - Xanax, Valium, Vicodin and Adderall - none of which were prescribed in Gore's name.  Xanax and Valium treat anxiety.  Vicodin is a painkiller that also has a calming effect.  That's a lot of "mellow" for one man to ingest.  The article doesn't mention any counterbalancing uppers, so we have to assume that strapped into the passenger seat was a Red Bull pony keg.
  • The article reports that Gore lives in Los Angeles and "is an associate publisher of GOOD, a magazine about philanthropy aimed at young people."  The HelloRocky team never heard of GOOD, and we're magazine junkies.  We checked out their website and found it SOSO.
  • Al Gore Sr. will run for President.  He is waiting for the inciting incident - be it an assassination, terrorist attack or a breakaway icepack -  that will give him the cover to launch his campaign.  We still like his chances based on the reasons given in our earlier post.
  • Finally, it is worth noting that a child can still grow up troubled even though his parents are total dicks about the lyrical content on the kid's CDs.  Thanks for reminding us, Tipper, that censorship is not a substitute for good parenting.

The PMRC (Tipper Gore on right) - bringing down the
record biz (instead of bringing up their kids).

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