Terrorist Chatter
Hello Rocky,
In the first couple of years after 9/11 we heard a lot of talk about terrorist "chatter" and adjusted our threat levels accordingly. These days, however, there is no mention of "chatter." This makes me nervous. What happened?
Sean Wilentz
Novato, CA
Rocky Responds:
Chatter turned out to be overrated. Collecting information by eavesdropping on phone calls and emails between suspected terrorist groups proved useful up to a point. That point was when every news outlet in the world reported that we were eavesdropping on phone calls and emails.
Another blow to Chatter was attrition: many of the early chatterers are now dead. Intelligence sources tried to overcome this by contracting the services of famed mediums James Van Praagh and Mary Ann Winkowski but with mixed results. Van Praagh milked his boilerplate shtick, saying that one voice warned him to watch out for somebody with the initials O.B.L. who is hiding in a country that starts with a "P" or an "A". Winkowski reported hearing a lot of whining from the other side about the heat, the absence of virgins, and the ritual of new arrivals forced to become the "bitches" for old timers like Nazis and Visigoths.
The HelloRocky Team expects a short term spike in Chatter with the introduction of the new Apple iPhone. Apple has modified the phone for Arabic markets by adding a "Chatter" icon (below) to the home screen. However, the CIA, working in partnership with Mossad, is formulating a strategy to "neutralize" iPhone customers who excessively use (meaning once) this button.
Brilliant.
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