Hello Rocky,

Larry Craig is not gay.  A whole bunch of men have had sex with Larry Craig. 

Trying to reconcile these competing ideas makes my cranium throb.   What should I do?

Simon Sebag Montefiore
London U.K.


Rocky Responds:

The HelloRocky Team is officially calling for the Senator's resignation on the grounds that America, this great and tolerant nation, is tired of being asked to picture Larry Craig naked.   C'mon already!

If the Senator wants us to believe that he is not gay, fine.  We'll even provide Mr. Craig with some intellectual cover fire, pointing out that we've eaten soy burgers even though we're not vegetarians.  

As for the sex in airport restrooms, well, what's a bored traveler to do?  Personally, we prefer to pass the time reading a magazine or sipping a cocktail.  But if the Senator suffered eyestrain from a failed attempt to read the Patriot Act, and if he wasn't thirsty, why not let him fall back to his "Plan C," which was sweaty man-on-man sex in a filthy bathroom stall?

Yet the divisiveness fostered by Senator Craig's behavior means it is time to close this chapter.  Narrow-mindedness is pitted against wide-stanciness.   The cyber generation, with its Facebook and Linked-In networking is pitted against the old-school custom of exchanging paper business cards while taking a crap. 

Finally, the idea of announcing to the world that you are resigning, and then continuing to show up for work like it was all a jest, is a little too Seinfeldian for our tastes.




In fact, that is the main reason Senator Craig must go - he has become the George Costanza of American Politics.  Final proof, from Wikipedia:

He (George) has an affinity for anything related to restrooms. In one episode, he quits his real estate job solely because he is forbidden from using his boss's private bathroom. In another episode, he claims to have a cursory knowledge of the locations of the best bathrooms in the city. When working for the Yankees, he suggested having the bathroom stall doors stretched all the way to the floor (allowing people's legs not to be seen while in the stalls) and in many episodes he shows a fascination with toilet paper and its history. His obsession with bathrooms and bathroom related material is unexplained in the show.

Yadda yadda yadda.