"This is how I roll, bitch."


Hello Rocky,

Is it wrong for me to follow the travails of Britney Spears?  I feel like I'm as bad as the paparazzi when I watch TMZ or buy The Enquirer.  But I can't look away.  What should I do?

Brian K. Watanabe
Salt Lake City, UT


Rocky Responds:

Don't look away, Brian.  Britney Spears is genius masquerading as madness.  When a headline like today's, " Intoxicated Spears Taken To Hospital" flashes across our monitors, the HelloRocky Team marvels at just how diabolically clever she has become.

Britney Spears is going to single-handedly topple the Paparazzi Industrial Complex and they don't even realize it.  They sit there like the old Soviet Union, smug and powerful, while she quietly cuts off their balls, harnessing all the best qualities of Ronald Reagan, Charlie Wilson and John Rambo.

She's doing it through Escalation.



Once upon a time the paparazzi stock in trade was the simple "celebrity leaving restaurant and getting in car" photo.  Those are worthless since Britney raised the bar with " celebrity exiting car while exposing vagina." 



Remember how "celebrity giving the finger" use to be news?  That's so last century now that " celebrity attacking car with umbrella" is in play.



And celebrity babies?  Screw celebrity babies, unless they're being driven loose on their mother's lap or forgotten on the roof of the Range Rover.

Britney Spears has created a paparazzi bubble that is as inflated as any tech stock or real estate bubble that this country has ever seen.  And it's already starting to pop.  The National Enquirer just ran photos of presidential candidate John Edwards pregnant mistress, all stretched out and mopey.  America greeted the issue with a collective "is that all you got?"  Show us the birth, dude, from the crowning to the slap on the ass, and then maybe we'll give a hoot. 

Britney has set the bar so high that when she suddenly stops acting all ape-shit crazy (and she will, at the time and place of her choosing) the celebutard industry will topple like the Berlin Wall in '89.